Recently, I've been struggling with the idea that I might have to give up something that has been a part of my life for close to twelve years.  Like leaving any part of your life behind, it's rough to picture things without it - but the fact is that you can. You can see your future without its comforting presence clearer than you ever thought possible. It's scary. Terrifying, even. But it's there. And the fact that it's there has got to mean something, right?

I've been in choir since I was a beaming little fourth grader. At least, that's the last time I can ever remember choosing to be in it rather than have my teacher usher me and the rest of the students to our half-hour block of music class. Since then, it has been a constant part of my life, especially in high school. The only way to describe it is, well, that I found my second family there. I also found a hidden talent that gave me what little confidence I had growing up. In that little choir room in the corner of the school, hidden in the confines of the secluded music hallway, was my haven. Sure, most of the time it smelt like feet and the clocks were always off and the band kids nearly always blamed us for their transgressions but some of my fondest memories took place there. Practicing for competitions with our horrendously out-of-date cassette tapes, waiting anxiously to audition for our dream role in the winter musical, lining up to make our big entrance through the stage door and sing our hearts out for our friends and family. It was our little piece of the world that we loved and held on to with all of our might until it was time to let go and watch it join the others in the jigsaw that was our life.

My passion for music grew through the years and I continued that passion when I started college. Back then, I couldn't fathom my life without choir. It was blasphemy. Where would I be without the concerts or the Stroope or the thousands of renditions of Gloria and Alleluia? Hell. I would have been in hell. I was already in the scary new world of college - it would do me good to have a sense of familiarity.

Now, as I grow older and my life becomes burdened with more responsibility, I plan for my future career and am faced with a choice that hurts just thinking about it. Leaving choir. Leaving behind the rehearsals and the music and the people. Just graduating high school three years ago, knowing I could never return to the choir room in the corner was heart-wrenching enough. But life moves on and you either move with it or are dragged along by it. Continuing choir would mean neglecting my responsibilities and postponing other accomplishments I want to achieve by the time I graduate college. I need to focus on other things in my life. I need to move forward.

It's no surprise that I feel like this. I knew the day would come eventually. I just never thought about it. Now that it's here, I almost refuse to believe it. It's not yet official or anything but it feels as though I'm already done. It's really ending. But I need to stay positive. I need to think about all of the great times I had rather than yearn for them to repeat themselves. No matter how much I crave it, the past is the past and it is better left there. I had a good run. I accomplished many things and created everlasting memories. I sang the great songs. And did it well.