So I was casually reading comments on my old stories. You know, a normal Friday night. Some of the comments were amazing to look at. Super flattering, nice little reactions to small twists I wrote. It was surreal - especially reading them years after I finished my story.

And then there were the criticisms.

In all honesty, I like reading those the most. I genuinely enjoy most criticism as long as it's helpful and genuine. Usually, you can tell when criticism is written with genuine interest in improving the story and the writer's style as a whole. I take all of those comments very seriously and incorporate the ones I feel I should work on.

The thing with posting your stuff online where literally anyone can comment if they so choose... you're going to encounter another type of criticism. Although, I wouldn't even call it that. Some people have come to call it "flaming" but that doesn't quite seem to cut it for me. I just call it being a jerk.

The way to tell the difference between constructive criticism and someone being a jerk is very simple. Criticism usually starts out with a positive thing such as "I like how you did this" or "Great job with this" and then is promptly followed by a "but" or list of things they didn't fancy. The things they list are done so eloquently, and mostly with examples from the writing itself where you did so. If it's character or plot they're having an issue with rather than prose, its more or less the same formula with a few generalizations about mannerisms they didn't like or a certain way your under-described something.

And then there are the jerks.

Jerks start either with an insult or something about how they found it difficult to get through your story. They go on and on about the horrible choices you've made or how juvenile your plot is. Yada, yada, yada. Once upon a time, these comments used to hurt me so badly that I would cry. But then, after years of practice and some really great advice, I stopped caring. I stopped letting them get to me. Because, really, it's not you they're after. Their comments are real and hurtful, yes, but are they helpful? Are they a true testament to your skills? No. Most of the time, they are hateful tirades that can easily be refuted by a simple fact.

They didn't have to keep reading.

Recently, I watched a great video by a YouTuber named Carrie Fletcher. The premise was that you shouldn't continue reading something you don't like. Even if you have a personal record of how many books you've finished cover to cover, it doesn't mean much if you didn't enjoy the experience. Reading is a magical thing. Some stories touch you in ways you'll never forget. Others, not so much. Why waste your time on a bad story if you could be out searching for the next book to make you feel all tingly inside? I know I struggle with this. I've put myself through a lot of misery reading certain books. But now I don't feel so bad about putting them away and starting something new.

I think these jerks should take a lesson from this. No one is forcing them to read your story. They're doing it out of their own free will. They are also taking the time to write down every negative thing they can say about it. I think they need to take a lesson from Carrie stop reading if they're not enjoying it. Not start a personal vendetta against the writer and all the work they've put into it.

Sure, there have been a few times where I want to yell at an author for the choices they've made. But would that help? No. I wouldn't enjoy their work anymore if I yelled at them about it. And that's the point, isn't it? To enjoy what you're reading.

So before you comment on someone's work, whether it be online or at a workshop-type thing, please, PLEASE think before you speak. Some writers take it very personally. Hurtful words, whether said with good intentions or not, still hurt. Is it worth it to hurt someone just to vent and make yourself feel better? Or should you step away and read something else?

Today I want to talk about the importance of feedback. Now, this can apply to any number of things but I'm going to focus mainly on the writing aspect of it. I know - shocker, right?

As some of you may know, I'm currently working on my first novel. As many published novelists will tell you, the first book is always the hardest. The same can be said for running your first mile or even drawing your first self-portrait. While the process of development is relatively (and I use the term lightly) quick and simple, the habit of sitting down and actually typing things out is where it gets tricky. Some people only write when the muse's smile upon them, some have a set time every day/week that they write something out, and so on. And when you finally get that first draft of the first chapter done, you're filled with such an immense pride that you could just get up and sing show tunes for the rest of the day.

The feeling is then promptly stomped on by the big foot of reality. Instead of being flattened like a pancake, you're left with questions like: Is this even any good? How is my prose? Are my characters believable? Will anyone actually read this other than my mom?

There is only way to answer those questions: Ask someone.

But not just anyone. You have to choose this person very carefully. You have to choose someone that you know will be honest with you - who will praise some aspects of your story while also constructively questioning other choices that you've made. You need another writer. Or maybe just someone who reads like one. I went through many "readers" until I found the one that helped me out the most. And it wasn't someone who I was expecting. Not in the least.

The point is to address those questions that you have about your own work as soon as you can. Personally, I don't want to hand in my first manuscript with an ending that doesn't convey what I want it to. Or one that's written in prose that has a habit of switching tenses every sentence. Even though a manuscript is far from a final draft, I want it to feel like I've put everything into it before sending it in. That way, when I get a verdict from the publishing companies on whether or not they want to publish it, I know that maybe they're not the ones I want publishing my baby in the first place.

Ahem.

This process may not work for everyone. For instance, you may not want to show anyone your work until you've already sent it to a few publishing houses so that you can brag about how you wrote it all on your own. I know that's what I wanted to do at first. But then I realized after talking to the right people that I love bouncing ideas off of someone. I love having someone there to tell me what does and doesn't work for them about the story, the characters, etc. I just love the workshopping process. But, oddly enough, I only like it as a one-on-one activity. Everyone is different. The trick is to find what works for you.

I would recommend this feedback/workshopping technique to anyone who is writing something. Chances are you might have already taken a class in high school or college where you had to do something similar.Why not pick your own partner instead of having one assigned based on how close your last names are? Ever since I did just that, I've been more inspired than ever. Finding the time to use the inspiration to my story's benefit on the other hand... well, that's a tale for another time.

If any of you have tried this, let me know how it worked out for you! I am endlessly fascinated by other people's writing processes and would love to hear about the different things you do to get past certain plot holes and structure issues. Who knows - maybe you can help me find another method that works well for me and I'll return the favor and share some other tips. ;)